codein [Thursday October 27th, 2005] There was a point to my life, and now I lack complete direction., I don't even know where this is spiraling on me from. I lack everything I could possibly want, motivation, direction, concentration.. everything. What's basically happening with me, so I think is I lack a lot of confidence because after a while ?I start comparing myself to every girl.. he .. and the feeling of "why do I bother" comes into play. Maybe Ronie messed me up real bad in the head. I don't know what anything is, or anything's worth. Ha! I think I haven't been this bad in a while and this is just a ramble worth nothing. someone needs to kick my ass. i need to kick my ass, get my life into order, stop bitching and start living. Chris got a carpe diem tattoo, that should be some kind of shove to let me stop slacking off.. not even slacking off, but to do something worth doing. I've become a pile of shit and even though I hate myspace, and have hated the internet for a bit, i'm always there looking for comfort, but only finding the lack of it from my boyfriend. blehhhh! cmnt (2!)

[Monday October 24th, 2005] [ mood | hurt ] Let my standards and barriers down again, hurt, by somehting so stupid and minor. Fuck it, school school school, fuck everything else. i dont know what the problem is. cmnt (0!)

[Saturday October 22nd, 2005] [ mood | tired ] I miss my husband like crazy. =) cmnt (0!)

[Thursday October 20th, 2005] [ mood | tired ] Wow... Never again. I'm a fucking idiot. Lesson learned. cmnt (0!)

[Tuesday October 18th, 2005] [ mood | anxious ] Damn. People are bitches these days no joke, how smart do you think you seem when you adore me a minute, shittalk the next. This is for a little girl who couldn't keep her mouth shut, actually for anyone who couldn't keep their mouths shut. I know I haven't been the best of people this past.. however long but I have changed and I have bettered myself, so I think anyway. I don't lie nor shittalk anymore, and I'm not saying i'm perfect but I've become everything I missed in myself. I won't say a word to you, I wont let anyone know how much they hurt me, only thing I have to say is karma's a bitch, and you'll learn, especially if you haven't already. I wish sometimes people would take the time to get to know me and not assume by random things i tell them sometimes, or shit they hear. I'm really dificult and I don't really care what anyone but the ones i care for think, but really it's become annoying. Back in reality I'm still not taking school seriously and I'm seeking self-love. haha this shit is so gay, please dont read it. I swear I used to come off a lot more intelligent at a point cmnt (0!)

[Friday October 14th, 2005] Nothing really satisfies me, I can't even seem to find what I want/need. It's been the same helpless nights over and over for half a week, i'm unsaftisfied and contimplating if a relationship is good for me right now, even though I love the kid. disfunction shouldn't feel this normal. really now, i really don't feel like being with him. cmnt (0!)

[Friday October 14th, 2005] [ mood | pissed off ] It may not be anything serious to anyone else but myself, but for what I thought was me for months wasn't exactly the best definite of me.Well so here it goes, apparently I have physcological issues which have led me to believe my piercings define who I am. I think I thought that it's the only thing that'll make someone point me out personality wise. I got rid of like.. 6 piercings, it's something. From now I won't seek people to define me because of something shallow as that, but maybe for who I really am. I know people this sounds really pathetic, contradicting, and irrational, but deal with it, this is my journal after all I don't force you to read it. Anyway, in other things, I'm a big dick for slacking off in school, My lungs and heart's been hurting.. and I hate this rain bullshit. cmnt (1!)

[Monday October 10th, 2005] [ mood | sick ] somethings going very wrong in me, and I'm not digging it. cmnt (3!)

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